Greetings Quitter Nation!
Some of us have worked long and hard at baking today’s flavor of lie-pies – the lies we tell ourselves to justify our habit of DENIAL. But it’s time to quit it!…bust ’em up and toss those pies in the garbage!
As much denying as I’ve done, I get Denial is a tough one, with some of the sweetest lie-pies we’ve ever told. To admit we’re in denial is to give validation to the very thing we’re trying so hard to believe is invalid. Reality can suck! And to believe in a reality we want so badly to reject – it causes enormous stress and fear.
Now, if you’re busy brushing pie crumbs from your mouth, wondering “Is this post for me?”, I want you to honestly consider the following questions:
- Does something or someone bother you, but you explain it away with “it’s just my mind playing tricks on me“?
- Do you avoid asking tough questions or avoid confrontation thinking “it will work itself out”?
- Is it trivial to bother your doctor with that small lump you found because “it’ll be gone by next month anyway“?
- Is the reason why you feel disappointed or short-changed in relationships because “I just love hard; I’m a giver.“?
- Do you still give money to that loved one on drugs because “this will at least keep them out of trouble“?
If you answered “yes” or if you know you can relate to the questions above, let’s take an honest look at some of the lies we tell ourselves that keep us chained to Denial:
1. I don’t know [or] I don’t remember.
The root of all Denial is a lie – an attempt to change what’s real into what’s not or vice versa. We tell ourselves that we don’t know, we don’t see it, we don’t remember, we don’t understand, but the Truth is – yeah, we do! It’s just painful, confusing, or scary. If we can acknowledge and feel that resistance we’re putting off – we KNOW we can’t resist or push against something that doesn’t. We must be honest with ourselves first; we know us best!
2. I’m protecting myself at all costs.
Denial is a defense mechanism. In short stints, it can keep us from immediate meltdown when something tragic or traumatic happens, e.g. “No, this is not happening!” But over time, our mind adapts and adjusts to reality, and it’s now safe to deal with the issue in a healthy manner. Persistent denial is not protection, but a hidden cost that will drain the life out of you. How much is it worth to ignore your physical, emotional, mental, financial health…to “protect” yourself or your image?
3. I’m not really this or that “way”.
If not really, then maybe a just a little bit? LOL. C’mon Quitters, as humans we are Masters at giving ourselves a pass because we’re not thaaaat X, Y, or Z. Truth is, your very existence in a negative space is reason enough to check yourself – pinky toe or all in! A little mold will ruin the entire loaf. So while you’re doing just a little bit of wrong, those little, bad seeds you refuse to acknowledge will grow big, rotten fruit in your life. Quit it!
4. It’s not me, it’s you.
Oh boy! Here comes Denial’s BFF – Blame-isha lol! Blame will take your root issue, project it on someone else, and clap your hands clean – “all done!” Blame will also stand guard and block (deflect) any attempts to place the issue back on your doorstep. The denial & blame duo is somewhat effective, but not effective enough to erase Truth. If you find that everyone around YOU is to blame for something in YOUR life, take a hard look at the common denominator – You!
5. The truth will destroy me; I can’t handle it.
Is this a true feeling or what? There are moments when we tell ourselves, “I just can’t!” It’s too hard, it’s too painful, it’s too terrible… Some circumstances in life can make you forget all about the tenacity of the human spirit, the gift of courage you never knew you had, and the promise of God’s Love to guide and carry you through it. I’ve had many “end of the world” events and losses; others have had even worse world-ends than me – but guess what? We’re all still here and you are too! Instead of destroying you, the reality you deny may very well transform your life for the better!